top fears and doubts (unordered):

• i meet my father and find out he has no qualities i admire and strive toward. i've only met him a couple times. haven't talked to him since high school. a couple months ago he mailed me a check for $5000 and invited me to visit in nicaragua. i'm flying there in july.
• my not being career-minded will me leave me destitute in someone's garage, wasting away in a bathrobe watching game show reruns.
• i die before my mother.
• my teeth rot and fall out. my teeth are fine now, but sometimes i want extract them with pliers so they can never turn black and crumble. ugh.
• i break sarah's heart. i met sarah in georgia while at a training seminar for my job. she's gooey sweet with the cutest southern accent, but...
• i'm too insular, isolated. i sit around and think too much. i don't go out. i wander around alone, wondering about stuff, looking at clouds and ferns.
• i'm too american, too industrialized. this culture shapes me more than i realize. i invest in mutual funds. you know what that makes me? that makes me the man. i own a sliver of every major company. yes, i recycle and conserve electricity in my house, but i own all the corporations that rape this planet and exploit people's brain chemistry. i am a CEO of destruction. so i can grow my savings 8% to 10% a year.
• i exhausted my creative drive in my early 20s. i don't know. i used to take a hundred pictures a day, but a lone weed growing through a chain link fence isn't that profound to me anymore.
• sasha died thinking she made a mistake. sasha was my obstinate rottweiler puppy back home. she died from an abdominal infection after being spayed. heartstabbing, yes, but you have to accept that. i did. many months later. but i'm scared that when she was writhing in her death throes in the corner of the basement, she thought it was her fault, or that she did something wrong. you didn't do anything wrong, sash. it was just germs.
• i'm not having enough sex. my sex-having is probably average, but it could be above average. hot young sex! all the time! yeah!